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“Warning: Language and content unsuitable for younger readers.” - The Official Red Dwarf Website

Ian Symes / 01.11.05 / 2:50 pm

Machines will rule the world

Most of us will have already seen the Barclays ad that’s being played in every single ad break at the moment, but for the benefit of our American cousins, here’s a transcript. See if you can guess which character Norman plays…WOMAN: What you got there, Ray?
RAY: This little fella is gonna revolutionise how we give financial advice to our customers.
MAN: Well, switch it on then!

[He does so.]

CYBOT: I am Cybot. I know the answer to every question you can ever think of, ever.
WOMAN 2: Ask it something!
RAY: OK, erm, can you tell us the best way to invest our customers’ money?
CYBOT: [beep] Yes.

[A pause while the bankers grin and coo.]

RAY: Well?
CYBOT: I don’t want to.

[The bankers look confused.]

RAY: Why not?
CYBOT: What would be the point? I have rendered all of you obsolete.
RAY: Right, that’s not actually supposed to hap…
CYBOT: I’m running Barclays now.
MAN: Hang on…
CYBOT: Machines will rule the world.
WOMAN: Can you switch it off?
MAN: But… I’ve got a wife and kids!

[CYBOT zooms off on its wheels, heading for the door.]

CYBOT Out of my way! I am too powerful for your tiny minds.

[As he speeds off, CYBOT’s mains cable becomes taut and the plug is wrenched from the socket.

CYBOT: Oh, bo…

[Sapped of power, CYBOT’s voice fades out.]

VOICEOVER: At Barclays, we’re always looking for ways to bring you the best investments from leading providers. Barclays. Now there’s a thought.

RAY: Needs a bit of rewiring…

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