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“the kind of puerile humour that blights Ganymede and Titan...” - Rick Mason, Groovetown

John Hoare / 07.04.08 / 4:27 am

Top Ten Obsolete Ports

IT’S TEH KRYTENS GRONNIAL SOCKETSES!!!!!!!!!1111

It’s worth pointing out, however, that anyone who thinks that Firewire or SCART is ‘obsolete’ clearly doesn’t have a fucking clue as to what the word means…

Comments

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Danny Stephenson's picture Staff

Danny Stephenson / Mon, 2008-04-07 11:26 / #

That was a nice article, haven’t a clue what most of them were, but I will defend the Micro Machines 2-port cartridge as one of the best ideas ever! SCART leads aren’t as bad as everyone says they are, yes they are chunky, but they’ve delivered crystal clear video signals to every TV I’ve ever owned. Although trying to plug one in in the dark is possibly the most frustratingly annoying things anyone should have to undertake. Ever.


Ian Symes's picture Staff

Ian Symes / Mon, 2008-04-07 11:55 / #

*looks up from using Firewire to edit footage at his job at the UK’s largest independent TV producer*

Obsolete, you say?


Phil's picture

Phil / Mon, 2008-04-07 12:11 / #

>Kryten is charged up using a port located somewhere that, er, only usually deals with expelling waste.

Well, define “waste”…


Mr Flibble's picture

Mr Flibble / Mon, 2008-04-07 12:27 / #

Yeah, bollocks is Firewire dead.


John Hoare's picture Staff

John Hoare / Mon, 2008-04-07 13:01 / #

I think the guy’s definition of ‘obsolete’ is “something I personally don’t use, so I don’t see why anyone else would”.


Seb Patrick's picture

Seb Patrick / Mon, 2008-04-07 14:34 / #

Sorry, but… if SCART is obsolete, then what - praytell - has replaced it?

Freeview boxes, DVD players, Wiis… all pretty damned popular machines, all using SCART. HD is still very firmly a niche thing. I’m sure that’ll change, and SCART will eventually become obsolete - but not for a while.


performingmonkey's picture

performingmonkey / Mon, 2008-04-07 15:26 / #

> Although trying to plug one in in the dark is possibly the most frustratingly annoying things anyone should have to undertake. Ever.

Tell me about it. She’s usually come three times before I’ve even managed to get the fucking thing in.


James's picture

James / Mon, 2008-04-07 16:36 / #

USB 2.0 was meant to send Firewire to the grave, but it’s slow transfer speed made it a non runner, I still use Firewire. I would say that the Scart is under threat by the HDMI cable, and in this instance I would say is a better lead fo HD content, you loose the auto switch with a HDMI, but the quality is far better. I think this is saying that Blu-ray will make DVD obsolete, but we still have VHS, and DVD didn’t kill that. I quite like CNET for some of it’s video reviews, and they do test most items quite well, but this is just daft.


Danny Stephenson's picture Staff

Danny Stephenson / Mon, 2008-04-07 17:34 / #

Tell me about it. She’s usually come three times before I’ve even managed to get the fucking thing in.

“Has the train arrived in Paddington yet?”

“No, I’m afraid it’s in Colchester, ouch!”


Mr Flibble's picture

Mr Flibble / Tue, 2008-04-08 01:38 / #

Firewire also works in a very different way to USB - it’s a lot less dependent on the CPU, which generally means it’s a lot more robust (and faster), I find.

It’s like the reason TM:YNYN was done 320x240, after the first editing plan fell through we didn’t have Firewire, and all USB 2 could do is that small frame in realtime. And out of sync sound. Firewire would have done full frame, which is 4 times as much information.


peas_and_corn's picture

peas_and_corn / Wed, 2008-04-09 07:58 / #

Slow news day?


Nakrophile's picture

Nakrophile / Thu, 2008-04-10 01:21 / #

The Micro Machines 2 cartridge is a blessing from Arnold himself.


Seb Patrick's picture

Seb Patrick / Thu, 2008-04-10 07:00 / #

The MM2 cartridge is great, but it wasn’t even the best Mega Drive cartridge. That honour surely has to go to Sonic & Knuckles, right?


John Hoare's picture Staff

John Hoare / Thu, 2008-04-10 07:57 / #

Cartridges are great, but the guy omits to mention all the reasons why consoles stopped using them, and instead goes on a “CDs are rubbish rant”. Not that it matters, as by that point in the article he’s lost all credibility anyway.

Jesus, one of my favourite games of all time - Final Fantasy VII - would have been impossible to do on a cartridge, as Square realised at the time.


Ian Symes's picture Staff

Ian Symes / Thu, 2008-04-10 08:21 / #

The MM2 cartridge is great, but it wasn’t even the best Mega Drive cartridge. That honour surely has to go to Sonic & Knuckles, right?

I once took a picture of my Mega Drive with a Game Genie plugged into it, with Sonic & Knuckled plugged in to the Game Genie, with Micro Machines 2 plugged into Sonic & Knuckles, with two controllers plugged in to Micro Machines 2.

Even at the age of 10 I was a geek.


Zombie Jim Undead's picture

Zombie Jim Undead / Thu, 2008-04-10 09:54 / #

> I once took a picture of my Mega Drive with a Game Genie plugged into it, with Sonic & Knuckled plugged in to the Game Genie, with Micro Machines 2 plugged into Sonic & Knuckles, with two controllers plugged in to Micro Machines 2.

Add a 32X into the equation and that’s a recipe for a mess.


Dave's picture

Dave / Thu, 2008-04-10 10:46 / #

>I once took a picture of my Mega Drive with a Game Genie plugged into it, with Sonic & Knuckled plugged in to the Game Genie, with Micro Machines 2 plugged into Sonic & Knuckles, with two controllers plugged in to Micro Machines 2.

I have no idea what this means. Hilarious fire hazard?


Ben Paddon's picture

Ben Paddon / Thu, 2008-04-10 16:27 / #

>> I once took a picture of my Mega Drive with a Game Genie plugged into it, with Sonic & Knuckled plugged in to the Game Genie, with Micro Machines 2 plugged into Sonic & Knuckles, with two controllers plugged in to Micro Machines 2.

> Add a 32X into the equation and that’s a recipe for a mess.

Find a control-port based multitap for the Amiga and plug that into one of the Micro Machines 2 ports and you’ve got yourselves a fiesta.


Nakrophile's picture

Nakrophile / Sat, 2008-04-12 14:13 / #

How could I forget about Sonic and Knuckles?!

> I once took a picture of my Mega Drive with a Game Genie plugged into it, with Sonic & Knuckled plugged in to the Game Genie, with Micro Machines 2 plugged into Sonic & Knuckles, with two controllers plugged in to Micro Machines 2

Amazing!


Danny Stephenson's picture Staff

Danny Stephenson / Sat, 2008-04-12 16:02 / #

I once took a picture of my Mega Drive with a Game Genie plugged into it, with Sonic & Knuckled plugged in to the Game Genie, with Micro Machines 2 plugged into Sonic & Knuckles, with two controllers plugged in to Micro Machines 2

What happened when you turned it on?


Ian Symes's picture Staff

Ian Symes / Sat, 2008-04-12 16:07 / #

IIRC, it just went to the red-tinted ‘No Way! No Way!’ screen you got when you plugged any non-Sonic game into S&K.


Danny Stephenson's picture Staff

Danny Stephenson / Sat, 2008-04-12 16:13 / #

can you not press A+B+C and get into the special stages of whatever game you put in it? ;)


Ian Symes's picture Staff

Ian Symes / Sat, 2008-04-12 16:23 / #

Yeah, but you only get all 100 of them with Sonic 1 or Sonic Spinball.


Ben Paddon's picture

Ben Paddon / Sat, 2008-04-12 18:07 / #

I could never get the Sonic 1 cartridge to do anything - it never gave me all of the special stages. I think maybe my cart was defective or something. Gutted.


dennisthedoughnutboy / Wed, 2008-04-23 10:34 / #

Well, the logic that makes S&K activate the special stage game is based on the cartridge’s serial number, so if your Sonic 1 cartridge doesn’t have the right number (perhaps a rerelease or something), nothing will happen.

And the no-way screen is blue tinted, I think.


mick's picture

mick / Mon, 2008-05-26 18:44 / #

>I once took a picture of my Mega Drive with a Game Genie plugged into it, with Sonic & Knuckled plugged in to the Game Genie, with Micro Machines 2 plugged into Sonic & Knuckles, with two controllers plugged in to Micro Machines 2.

Tower of Doom

My MegaCD, MegaDrive, 32X, MegaKey Region Cart, Sonic & Knuckles + Sonic 2.

Looking for my Game Genie so I can add another layer ;)


Jonathan Capps's picture Staff

Jonathan Capps / Mon, 2008-05-26 20:49 / #

Awesome! That is one lump of excellent technology right there.


Ian Symes's picture Staff

Ian Symes / Mon, 2008-05-26 21:19 / #

Mick wins.


Danny Stephenson's picture Staff

Danny Stephenson / Tue, 2008-05-27 02:24 / #

Where’s the Micromachines 2 cartridge with the controllers sticking out? :P


mick's picture

mick / Tue, 2008-05-27 10:33 / #

Its in my bum bum.


Pete Part Three's picture

Pete Part Three / Wed, 2008-05-28 08:57 / #

It’s the Megatron!


mick's picture

mick / Wed, 2008-05-28 19:19 / #

That setup (MegaDrive 1, MegaCD 1, and 32X) is know in Sega circles as the ‘Tower of Doom’

The 32X get a real bum rap, there are some awesome games for it… well 3.


Ian Symes's picture Staff

Ian Symes / Wed, 2008-05-28 19:23 / #

Your avatar will haunt my dreams tonight.


mick's picture

mick / Wed, 2008-05-28 21:55 / #

So it should, tis the face of a man recieving bum love!