Norm's post-Dwarf tell-all

Wow. That sounds like an interesting book…

Yeah, Norm. Whatever.

He could call it: “Grant Naylor Owes Me A Career”

> I have been asked to write an autobiography on many occasions and I now feel the time is right.

Now the bridge is burnt. I’m not sure how I feel about all this. To start with I was pretty pleased he’s been a grumpy old sod, slagged off attempts to get the movie made and generally been a bit of an arse.

Despite all that though, he has been a very big part of Dwarf’s history. So part of me does feel a little sad that it’s ended badly.

i guess we may not know the true story … but the fact of the matter is as iv and others have said before .. its 2 episodes holly is not going to get hardly any screentime anyway .. and if they opend the door for more specials ( i see a series unlikely sein as budget is soo small for this ) then i think it would be same story ..shame he sayd he will never be involved though ..

What a tit.

He left, they had the good grace to invite him back, the budget won’t stretch to involving him in this, he moans.

He needs to get a grip.

>What a tit.

But do tits really deserve to be compared to Norman Lovett?

>He needs to get a grip.

But if he got a grip, he’d be denied such a fine chance to moan about it on the internet.

Frankly, if he’s going to be like this it’s probably better for everyone else involved with Red Dwarf that he’s burnt his bridges. It’s a future opportunity for Hattie Hayridge, I suppose.

> But do tits really deserve to be compared to Norman Lovett?

He does a damn fine tit impression.

>He does a damn fine tit impression.

Now I wish I knew how to use photoshop

>He does a damn fine tit impression.

Are you thinking of the moon impression? ;)

I am rather sad he’s decided he’ll not have anything more to do with Dwarf though. Surely, he understands there were just the two episodes with a limited budget. Should it have been successful, it’s quite possible he’d be invited back for a full series. That being said, I’d welcome Hatty again. She didn’t have as much material in her years on Dwarf, but she did well with what she had. (Oo-er. You know what I mean.)

I can understand his offence at the email though. They probably should have called him.

I hope he either has a bloody good editor, or works on his writing style, if his Myspace posts are anything to go by.

Oh, and I bet you anything it’ll include the story of Donna DiStefano taking his ball away.

Needless to say, he had the last laugh.

He should just write a book around the Ball fiasco.

April fool?

I loved him in I and II, but Holly as a character was pretty redundant by IV, anyway.
There was no real necessity for him to be in VIII, either.

So, I really don’t care either way. But I do wish he’d STFU.

Has anyone got a link or a quote of what Norm said about Grant Naylor productions? I heard he was having a go at their attempts of a film.

> Needless to say, he had the last laugh.

I was just on my way to this thread, hugely pleased with myself that I was going to make this joke. Damn you.

>There was no real necessity for him to be in VIII, either.

His material wasn’t as great in that series, it’s true.

A couple made me laugh though.

The rodent-bottomed gag. (Cheap but snigger-worthy.)

The “I’ve hacked into the system and you’re due an inspection in 10 minutes” gag.

and the gem:

“It’s times like this I’m glad I’m just a head.”

” theres stuff down there that will make your hair stand on end ……… brill cream its called “

>He could call it: “Grant Naylor Owes Me A Career”

That certainly seems to be a succinct summary of his outlook. Sure, we may not know the whole story, but how anyone can take his side over GNP’s is beyond me. He left, they had him back. He’s traded on his Red Dwarf character and reputation for most of his work over the last couple of decades. His website, his standup tours…And yet he seems to have no respect for the people who provided him the opportunity in the first place, shit-talking them at every opportunity. I’ve yet to figure out in what way he’s been so mistreat by GNP over the years.

Writing a grubby little tell-all book seems wholly in keeping with his attitude, and I’m sure that’s what we’ll get.

Just saw this comment someone left on his MySpace:

“ah well im sure you could get into another good show.”

Oh yes indeed, I’ll bet the offers are flooding in. No wonder he was so pissed off about being asked to set a few days aside. The mind boggles to think of the great offers the much in-demand star of ‘I Lovett’ turned down to accommodate those backstabbing evil-doers at GNP.

It could be that he wasn’t even set or asked to be on the specials and just made up the story for more sales of his DVD which seemed to be successful since he mentioned more people got it.

I wonder how many copies a Norman Lovett DVD has to sell to be considered successful…

Double figures?

4 1/2

thats pushin it …does anyone here actually own a copy .. a family freind of mine was forced to go see him live once and he walked out after about 20 minits he said ” was just some old guy talking bollocks ” considein this family friend of mine is about 2 years younger than norm .. says alot haha

I’ve only ever seen his stuff on Smeg Outs and it seemed lazy, observational stuff.

>I’ve only ever seen his stuff on Smeg Outs and it seemed lazy, observational stuff.

Same here. If his ‘hilarious’ dog shit story was really chosen as the clip because it was the highlight of his set, I pity anyone who had to sit through the whole show.

he shudnt get in a shitty and start slaggin off gnp ust because h wont be in these 2 episodes .. if he was in it and he travelled however many miles to a studio and did 1 or 2 lines then was told to go home .. he would moan at that .. ad now he dosent want anymore to do with red dwarf .. but wants to make money slaggin it off .. go away please

it’s going to be ashort book considering he was only in I, II & VIII (inc VII’s cameo). it’s a pity he has lost the love of Dwarf, but it’s still nice that he went and supported Danny a few weeks back at court. I wonder if he will take part in the Documentary that’s being made as well or will that only focus on the 4 main players?

I really enjoy Norman’s stand-up, actually, and I have the first version of his DVD. You know, before he released it again.

>You know, before he released it again.

With less material I believe.

>” theres stuff down there that will make your hair stand on end ……… brill cream its called “

Heh. That one, I wasn’t so sure of. Although I’m forgiving.

Never saw his standup, unfortunately my whole impression was coloured by the ‘everything’s shit’ fiasco and previous dwarf-related sour grapes.

Oh, I don’t think it’ll be a short book, somehow.

We’ll get at least a chapter about the ball incident and how unfair it was, no doubt we’ll get a lovely account of how he left and was assured someone like Hattie wouldn’t take over - that’ll take up a few hundred pages. We can expect the first third of the book to be a detailed account of how he pestered Ed, Doug and Rob to be seen on screen, rather than just as a voice, and then wrap it all up with a tedious rant about how under used he was is Series VIII, and whether he likes the moon gag or not.

hmm talking of ed .. i wonder if hes involved in these specials ??

His last show with Nicholas Lyndhurst has recently been cancelled… (Which is odd, because from the little I saw of it, it looked… OK)

Maybe Norman’s deeply depressed.

>Maybe Norman’s deeply depressed.

I would imagine that goes with the territory of being a whinging git who never seems to see the good in anyone or anything.

Yep, that’s about it.

Maybe he’s a whinging git BECAUSE he’s deeply depressed and self-destructive and emotionally wounded by the rejection of losing the only light at the end of his bleak tunnel over the last decade… reprising the role of Holly in a movie or new episode of Red Dwarf.

His recent months have been spent walking on air at the thought of a reunion with his old friends, a new chance to appear on TV and revive his career, his chance to once again be a part of the role that has defined his career and in many ways his entire life, and it was cruelly snatched away from him by budget restraints at the last second, leaving a gaping hole in his existance which he will now fill with bitterness and misery.

Well… maybe not. But you can’t just say “no”, coz you don’t know.

Well, firstly he’s been a whinging git for years, but…

>His recent months have been spent walking on air at the thought of a reunion with his old friends, a new chance to appear on TV and revive his career, his chance to once again be a part of the role that has defined his career and in many ways his entire life, and it was cruelly snatched away from him by budget restraints at the last second, leaving a gaping hole in his existance which he will now fill with bitterness and misery.

This is the same role/light at the end of the tunnel that he left once before? The one delegated to him by people who he’s been none-too shy about slagging off recently?

I know what you’re saying, but I find it difficult to feel sorry for someone so willfully negative about so many things.

He just seems like an opportunist: Takes the job, leaves after two series, thinks he should somehow have say over who takes over, complains when he doesn’t, returns, show ends, cashes-in on the character and popularity, complains again ad infinitum, expects to be asked back, complains when he isn’t, writes a book about it…

Indeed. If that’s how it is, well, couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

You do know I was joking, right?

>You do know I was joking, right?

Of course! So was I!

Ok, no I didn’t.

Thing is, he’s a clown to burn the bridge when he must know how tight the budget is, and I’m sure that unless the new script actually writes Holly out for good (which, even if it did, doesn’t mean anything anyway because artistic license can always resurrect a character from any situation, just look at Tony Almeida) then if any further Dwarf projects get the green light, chances are he’d be a part of them…

and the only chance of that happening is if the new ones are a success…

and the new ones won’t be a success if the budget is squandered on making sure everybody gets their lines in at the expense of any kind of quality in the dept of costumes, sets, effects et al. A great script won’t mean much to a casual viewer who’s expected to accept that the office block corridors the witty banter is conducted in are meant to be the corridors of a technologically advanced space ship.

ie. he should be willing to take the hit and the smarting botty of not having a role in these new episodes knowing that ultimately it will be helping the cause and in the long-term possibly provide him opportunities to play Holly again. And hopefully again, and again.

What does he have to lose by keeping a dignified silence? Stiff upper lip, see how things progress once the new shows air, rather than throw all his toys out the pram and say “never again”?

>What does he have to lose by keeping a dignified silence? Stiff upper lip, see how >things progress once the new shows air, rather than throw all his toys out the >pram and say “never again”?

It seems particularly daft on his part to take things so personally when he’s said himself it was a budget-constraints issue rather than a GNP conscious decision to exclude him. And I wonder how many of the DVDs/tickets sold on his recent tours are thanks to the no-doubt free promotion on RD.com?

If he’s hoping to divide the fans into ‘Norm supporters’ and ‘GNP supporters’ I think he’s going to come up sadly short.

I can understand he’s miffed… if you keep a space in your schedule for a work offer which is then taken off the table just a week before you are due to begin production, yes I can see why he would be a bit annoyed… but he’s going over the top.

Maybe it’s just a ruse anyway, maybe he will still be in it… we’ll see…

i wonder weather doug will change the script now to purposly write him out for good … or maybe not even mention holly at all … tho me thinks kochanskis absense will have to be referenced in some way … bye norman *waves*

Isn’t this the fella who said recently that there was more to him than just Red Dwarf?

Maybe he’s just pissed that Roswell 1847 didn’t receive the critical acclaim that it deserved.

I think it’s fair to say that Norman is best known for Red Dwarf, there’s no getting away from it..
His stand up is good but not brilliant and there’s far far better than him out there, his other TV work has been sparce and not notable of late.
The best thing I’ve seen him in on TV was one of those historical costume documentaries on the Beeb and that was a serious role.
If you look at his work over the last couple of years, it’s all had a Dwarf slant and far from getting away from it, it has all used Dwarf to promote it.
His ‘memorabilia’ appearances, ‘beat the geek’ and even the ‘Double Header’ tour were all Dwarf related and promoted.

He may not have made a lot of dosh from all this, but it does look like he’s cut himself off from a source of income and cut any ties with future ventures.
It goes without saying that any biography will use the Dwarf name at some point to push it.

Hmmm, watch this space.

the only other time iv ever seen him on tv was standing in a post office in the young ones i mean star cameo or what ….

That was the first time I EVER saw Norman Lovett, and that’s when my Dad mentioned that he was Holly in Red Dwarf, even though as far as I was concerned, Holly was a woman, and a girl’s name at that.

I found the first series, and lo, a fan was born.

I recently spotted him in an old ep of Rab C
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ojp6xCaf2V4&feature=related

Lister: You’re female again, Holly?
Holly: Yes, and I deleted that other face from my database. You won’t see him again.

Heh heh heh.

Actually I think your new avatar should be the new Holly face.

> doesn’t mean anything anyway because artistic license can always resurrect a character from any situation, just look at Tony Almeida

We all knew Tony wasn’t dead! He never got the silent clock FFS!! (OK maybe Michelle didn’t get it either…can’t remember, leave me alone…) The explanation of him being alive was pretty funny. He was simply wheeled into another room and resucitated. Glad he’s back though. By the time of season 6 the number of old characters that had been killed off was seriously affecting the show.

I think the writers’ strike actually helped 24 in regards to the Tony-revival too (as well as being able to plan Day 7 to minute details). The trailer with a revived Tony was released well over a year ago, so the audience was actually pretty used to the idea by the time Day 7 premiered last week.

These first 7 episodes were actually all filmed before the writer’s strike, too, so it’ll be interesting how things move on in the new direction from episode 8.

Didn’t they refilm some bits too? And am I right in saying they’ve finished filming it all now?

Posted to his myspace today. (Perhaps this is becoming a monthly tradition.)

I will not be involved in the Red Dwarf Specials and will not be taking part in any further RD projects as I am unable to work with these people any more.

I am currently writing my autobiography and provided I am not stopped by lawyers, intend to tell all about my RD involvements over the years.

Thank you to all the people that have got in touch and for all your kind words. I will always have time for the RD fans.

Norman

Wow.

Norman’s book will basically be the polar opposite of Danny Wallace’s “Yes Man”.

>as I am unable to work with these people any more.

the people that gave you the only thing your known for. and because you wont be involved in a special your going to throw the toys out the pram and then write a book to make money out of this situation by slagging these people off

i wont be buying it ..norman crawl back into your hole please .really enjoyed him as holly but why does he have to get shitty because hes not gettin his way,youve already stated you wont be involved so go away.

if this is all a joke and he is in it. this comment is going to look pretty shite

This isn’t a joke, it never is with Norman. Doug sums up the situation with Norman succinctly on the Bodysnatcher documentaries.

and then write a book to make money out of this situation by slagging these people off

Yet another way of making money on the back of Dwarf.

> Norman’s book will basically be the polar opposite of Danny Wallace’s “Yes Man”.

So it will be brilliant, then?

Fuck off. The book was brilliant.

>Norman’s book will basically be the polar opposite of Danny Wallace’s “Yes Man”.

As is his first name.

>Doug sums up the situation with Norman succinctly on the Bodysnatcher documentaries.

What did he say?

He said, “You don’t have insurance with us, so stop calling.”

I am currently writing my autobiography and provided I am not stopped by lawyers, intend to tell all about my RD involvements over the years.

Perhaps it’s just me, but do I detect a hint of martyr complex in that phrase? “They’re gonna try and shut me up, but they’ll never get rid of the truth!!1!111!1!!!!1!”

What a Smee Hee.

What did he say?

It came about when Norman decided, because he’s moved up to Edinburgh, he wanted to not turn up for rehearsals, and just do the studio recordings. With the same pay. Of course it wasnt’ viable, so Norman decided to leave, but he said he was told that no-one would play another Holly. and Doug says something along the lines of “we’re not gonna leave this hallowed piece of ground for you, Norm, because you’ve made this idiotic choice”.

IN all, i’d rather Hattie was re-cast. It’d be nice to see her fill the screen of Holly again. I can’t see it happening, but it would be a good time to bring her back.

Ahh yes, it comes flooding back now. Yeah, I remember agreeing with that one when I watched it.

>IN all, i’d rather Hattie was re-cast. It’d be nice to see her fill the screen of Holly again. I can’t see it happening, but it would be a good time to bring her back.

I’d love to see her back. She’s an often overlooked talent in the franchise, and has sat patiently by while Norman’s been given a second chance to prove himself a stroppy little madame once more. An appearance in Back To Earth could go a long way to redressing the balance.

If not, I’d love to see her in the Unplugged thing, improv being a forte of hers I believe.

If not, I’d love to see her in the Unplugged thing, improv being a forte of hers I believe.

Thats’ a brilliant idea. I’d quite like to her in more Dwarf please.

It’s probably best if I don’t mention what I’d quite like Hattie to do.

She must be around your mum’s age, surely?

Yeah, but you should see the things his mum can do.

> She must be around your mum’s age, surely?

It’s likely that Hattie’s older, actually.

Aaaaand baby makes three:

I’ve had lots of messages asking if I’m in the new RD programmes.
I sent a bulletin recently
explaining my position on this but to those who missed it, here’s the answer.

I will not be in the programmes and will not be in any future RD projects as I am unable to
work with these people anymore.

Best wishes, Norman

Posted today.

I wonder if Norman can work with these people anymore.

More to the point is Norman in these new Red Dwarf specials?

And when are tickets available?

Hold on, I’ll email him.

I sent him an email for shits and giggles. Subject: a few questions

Hey,

I heard from a friend that there are new Red Dwarf specials being made. Are you going to be in them? Also, where can I get tickets?

Cheers,
-Dave

>Norman’s book will basically be the polar opposite of Danny Wallace’s “Yes Man”.

“Yes, as long as I can have my football back, man”.

>Norman’s book will basically be the polar opposite of Danny Wallace’s “Yes Man”.

No Woman? But he’s married, isn’t he?

I think all the photos of his wife are just him in a dress.

No-one else could, or should be allowed to play the role of Mrs Lovett.

Norm will not be involved in any future Mrs Lovett projects because he feels he can no longer work with himself.

I think by himself you mean ‘that person’.

I could have said that, but it would rely on the reader having the understanding that by ‘Mrs Lovett’ I was referring to Norman himself, and that requires the reader to have actually read other posts in this thread before contributing themselves, which isn’t a safe assumption to make on these boards or so it appears.

Daddy horny, Michael.

Interesting quote from the Norm interview on this site-

Have you ever considered writing an Autobiography covering your time during Red Dwarf or even in the periods before and after?

I think if I was offered the chance I would love to because I have a few interesting stories about my time in Red Dwarf plus other programmes I was involved with such as my own series I, LOVETT.

Exclusive image that will featue in his book!

http://i368.photobucket.com/albums/oo121/SoundableObject/Ball.jpg

I hate to beat a dead horse, but what is the story with the ball?

>I hate to beat a dead horse

Is that a euphemism?

They took his ball. They took his ball away.

>Is that a euphemism?

Umm…yeah, sure. *blushing and whisting innocently*

>They took his ball. They took his ball away.

Bastards. Why?

At the time they’d come out with these little leather footballs. So Norm bought one so that they could have a kickabout in the studio. Everyone loved football. Chris, Craig, everyone. Doug, everyone.

‘Til one day when some snotty… madam, she knows who she is, she took his ball. She took his ball away. And Norm walked up to her and he said (he’s told us he was difficult back then), he said, “If I don’t get my ball back, you won’t get another line out of me.” And it worked. He got his ball back.

>he’s told us he was difficult back then

Well, thank goodness he finally grew up and acts so much more professional. *coff*

Needless to say, he had the last laugh.

Yes, it’s sad the *cough* budget won’t stretch to include him in the specials.

Norm’s a douche

apparently something new from norman…

“So far there have been 3 reasons in the press why there is no Holly in these programmes that are being shown over Easter on the Dave channel. 1 No budget 2 Didn’t want the crew dragging a computer around with them on earth 3 A water leak caused a short circuit and caused the computer to break down.

This gives you an idea of what the people who make Red Dwarf (GrantNaylor) are like and you will be able to read all about them and the cast in my auto biography which I am working on as I speak. I watched Chris, Robert and Danny on BBC Breakfast News this morning. Talk about laughs take a holiday.

I will be watching the shows but I really don’t see how it will be any good because it’s not shot in front of a studio audience and they’re not trapped on board Red Dwarf which was it’s main strength when it was character comedy.

Everything is done by one man (Naylor) and he can’t do everything well. Bring back Grant and get a good director (Bye) and it might have stood a chance. And Holly with some good gags of course.

Not one of the cast have got in touch with me which just shows how self centred they are. I’m not bitter just unhappy about the way I have been treated by them. By the way GrantNaylor you still owe me money for the Red Dwarf movie rehearsals.

Happy Easter everyone, Norman”

That’s funnier than anything I’ve seen in the trailers. Is that a myspace bulletin or did you grab it from somewhere else?

according to the rd.co.uk forum its a bulletin

>And Holly with some good gags of course.
Must mean Hattie since he said he will not be working on any more Dwarf.

>By the way GrantNaylor you still owe me money for the Red Dwarf movie rehearsals.
And you owe them money for all their advertising of your stuff on the site plus the use of Holly in that comedy show.

Thats not nice to read. Norman was my favourite when i was younger but after reading what he’s like i’ve gone right off him. Why should the cast get in contact with him? You don’t hear Hattie moaning about it all.

i think norman watch the breakfast show this morning and was angered by it greatly and decided to take a dig at show today.

im sure if it was up to norman all the cast would just to his side in protest

You can’t really blame any of them for not getting in touch, can you? Not when he slags them off on a regular basis.
But it baffles me why he doesn’t seem to understand that.

oh piss off norman please

That’s utterly incredible. I love how it’s moved from slight digs to an all out insult flinging strop.

Is this genuine? It’s incredibly unprofessional if it is. Perhaps Norm would like to come round mine on Friday evening and we can moan together.

>and you will be able to read all about them and the cast in my auto biography which I am working on as I speak.

Now that’s multi-tasking.

What Cappsy said.

That really is terrible. What a bitter old twat he’s become.

>I watched Chris, Robert and Danny on BBC Breakfast News this morning. Talk about laughs take a holiday.

That’s the worst part of all. I can’t imagine why the cast wouldn’t want to get in touch with him. Could it be, perhaps, because he’s a two-faced old git?

Fuck off and sort your ‘career’ out Norm. GNP don’t owe you a living.

You know what makes me laugh the most, the fact that if a series does eventually get commissioned after these specials, that Norm has probably lost any chance of actually being in the show again. If he’d have kept his big gob shut and not burned bridges, he could have been looking forward to some new Dwarf work in the near future. Fat chance of that now Norm, well done!

What is Hattie doing these days?

Busy having dignity*, last time I saw her.

* Yes, she’s a lovely girl.

>”By the way GrantNaylor you still owe me money for the Red Dwarf movie rehearsals”

If that’s the case then why so willingly work with GNP again for Beat The Geek?

What a gimp, should any more RD ever be produced I strongly hope it’s with Hattie and not him.

There’s an old human proverb that I think applies here…it goes: “Don’t let the doorknob hit you in the ass on the way out.”

So far there have been 3 reasons in the press why there is no Holly in these programmes that are being shown over Easter on the Dave channel. 1 No budget 2 Didn’t want the crew dragging a computer around with them on earth 3 A water leak caused a short circuit and caused the computer to break down.

This gives you an idea of what the people who make Red Dwarf (GrantNaylor) are like

What, that they come up with a plot-based reason (water leak) to explain the production-based reason (budget) for not having the character? Those BASTARDS!

Norman Lovett can fuck off.

What a cunt.

That’s amazingly hilarious. Fuck him and the ball he so desperately wants back. Hopefully they’ll be more from Hattie in some form or other in the future.

That’s pretty bad, even for Norm.

> Hopefully they’ll be more from Hattie in some form or other in the future.

I’m still hoping for Bill Bailey. He’d look great as a floating head.

Bill Bailey would be fucking very welcome addition to Dwarf, he could come to DJ and do funny renditions of the theme. Cockney version, perhaps.

“It’s cold outside…’av a banana”

Bill Bailey’s inclusion would also perhaps annoy Norm even more, since I guess the two are friends or at least on good terms.

“I feel I can no longer wok with Bill Bailey.”

Didn’t know he was into chinese food… :D

Wok with Bill Bailey would immediately become my favorite cooking show.

I almost understand his bitterness against not being in the show, but his direction against everyone as if they should take his side is just utterly low. He should be nice, but if he cant be, he should only be mad at not being included, shouldnt be taking it out on the cast, I hope they never ring him again, I hope he never comes to DJ and I hope red dwarf fans stop going to his comedy shows that he constantly plugs as Norm from the dwarf. And i’d like Red Dwarf to make a short online episode called “holly Re-booted” in which the crew manage to turn Holly back on and it’s chris barrie in a bald wig, and fake nose, doing a norm impression and Holly starts moaning like a bitter bastard about Lister, Kryten and Rimmer and so they promgramme quegg back to erase him forever properly this time and reset holly permanently as hattie.

Wok with Bill Bailey would immediately become my favorite cooking show.

I would call it “Wok This Way”

> I hope he never comes to DJ

I’d love him to come to DJ. I’d ask why he’s such a mardy old git.

> I would call it “Wok This Way”

We need to make this happen!

> You can’t really blame any of them for not getting in touch, can you? Not when he slags them off on a regular basis.

Norman did go to Danny`s trial recently though didn`t he and was prepared to be a character witness? It is strange if there has been no contact at all imo.

Perhaps if we take away his ball we won’t get a single line of text from him…

“I’m not bitter” is a quote worthy of being added to the creepy site header.

>>I would call it “Wok This Way”

>We need to make this happen!

Until a few weeks ago, I honestly used to live just down the road from a chinese takeaway by this name. I was suitably amused.

Until a few weeks ago, I honestly used to live just down the road from a chinese takeaway by this name. I was suitably amused.

Do you have any pictorial evidence of this?

Here we are…

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs015.snc1/2967_153931580461_798285461_6347638_7158413_n.jpg

(Question - how DO you post pictures as part of comments? Haven’t worked that out yet.)

http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs015.snc1/2967_15393158046...

what a knob!

Good work, Venture South!

Yeah. That picture really talks to me, too. It kind of says, “Norm wants YOU! … to hate all things dwarf except the bits where you see his head.”

You forgot to include the words “Red Dwarf”, large and prominently placed.

I especially like the extra T at the end of ‘Lovettt’.

I don’t expect TOS will have anything to say about this?

A ‘thankyou to Norm for 3 series of enjoyable work. We’re sorry to hear he’s decided not to have anything more to do with the show, and wish him all the best with his future endeavors’ would put a smile on my twisted face.

Norm’s a cunttt.

Brilliant, VS.

I only recently found out that Lovett was a bit of a prick regarding these kind of incidents, but his latest whinge just comes across as bitter and unprofessional. Picking on the guys for not being funny on Breakfast is completely unecessary and a bit of a cheap shot, and taking it as an insult that he’s not on the specials is just a bit silly. If they really wanted Holly and didn’t want him back, surely they would’ve just got Hattie in to do it.

I especially like the extra T at the end of ‘Lovettt’.

Oh… Bugger. Still, that’s what I get for rushing it then not saving the master.

I only recently found out that Lovett was a bit of a prick regarding these kind of incidents, but his latest whinge just comes across as bitter and unprofessional.

The irritating thing is some people are taking what he’s said on Myspace as fact*. I came across a website today where someone left a comment stating they would be boycotting the shows over Easter as a result of ‘how unfairly Norman Lovett was treated.’ (To be fair it was a comment response to an article not the views of the article writers themselves.)
I left a comment of my own to leave that thread in a more positive note.

*Although I’m sure he sees it that way. Ok, it probably was a bit unfair to just send him an email telling him he wasn’t required (if that is true) but the reasons for leaving him out were valid.

He’s been this way for a long time, not just since BtE was announced.

Corrected version here:

>Ok, it probably was a bit unfair to just send him an email telling him he wasn’t required.

Personally I think it’s more presumptuous of Norm to think he would be included in a revival. I mean, he doesn’t appear in the majority of Red Dwarf, though of course he is a substantial part of it’s legacy. All the same, an e-mail seems perfectly adequate to me, especially considering he clearly has such a low opinion of his RD co-stars and creative team. He seems to have a very strange view of the world. None of his castmates called him? So what? Clearly he’s not friends with them. Do you call everyone who ever did a stint at your place of work when you’re given a new assignment?

I wonder if the way Norm is being will affect the way anyone sees his performances in the old episodes. I know rationally, it shouldn’t affect anything, but I’m reminded of the fact that I’ve never seen the more Kramer-heavy episodes of Seinfeld in the same light since Michael Richard’s racism ‘incident’ (not that I’m by any means comparing what MR did with Norm’s whingey-old-fartedness).

It’s bizarre, because Craig’s problems certainly didn’t affect my perception of Lister. I think I find this more disappointing, personal and distracting RD-wise because he so clearly either greatly dislikes or is jealous of everyone else involved.

If anyone has a right to be pissed at GNP, I’d argue it was Hattie. I’ve already posted a lot about my preference for her Holly performances over Norm’s, but aside from that (and I admit I may be making a few assumptions here) she took on the role he willingly left behind, was quite suddenly written out in series 6, and when the character was reintroduced, was passed over in favour of the person who’d already turned his back on it once. Despite this, she continues to attend fan conventions, put in RD appearances (i.e. Beat The Geek) when requested, and has to my knowledge never voiced much in the way of bitterness about her tenure with the show.

When all’s said and done, almost every franchise has one. Norm’s ours.

> I wonder if the way Norm is being will affect the way anyone sees his performances in the old episodes.

Funny you should say that. I’ve been watching series 1 tonight, and it’s hard to watch him without being constantly reminded of his attitude.

Yeah, it does colour your attitude somewhat when you watch them again.

It’s disappointing to see he feels that way about the programme and its crew. But compared to the sort of things musicians say about each other after their bands split up, Norman’s comments are pretty mild.

Nah, watching Series 1 and 2 yesterday I still think he is funny, I mean he didn’t write the lines. Lines like “Be grateful for what you’ve got because frankly I’m fantastic” still have me laughing like an idiot.

Appreciate. Basically.

pwned.

I nominate Norm for Stasis.

You forgot to include the words “Red Dwarf”, large and prominently placed

Better?:
http://img24.imageshack.us/my.php?image=pensionplan2.jpghttp://img24.ima...

Wow, so much hate in this thread. I too find it sad that Norman’s posted these things, however, he might have legitimate reasons for his grievances. I think its awful to see such nasty character assassinations about him when people aren’t in possession of all the facts.

He may well have legitimate reasons for everything he says, but why does he have to act so unprofessionally? Why does he have to publicly criticise everyone connected with RD while simultaneously cashing in on his association with the show? Even without being “in possession of all the facts” that much is patently obvious from what he, himself, has posted on his own site.

I don’t hate Norm, but I do find his attitude objectionable.

>he might have legitimate reasons for his grievances.

When he chooses to publicly air ‘grievances’ like the fact that Doug came up with an in-plot idea to explain Holly’s absence and punctuates it with “This gives you an idea of what the people who make Red Dwarf (GrantNaylor) are like”, as if it’s some personal slight to him, we can gauge enough to have an opinion, I think.

“I watched Chris, Robert and Danny on BBC Breakfast News this morning. Talk about laughs take a holiday.” is just nasty and unnecessary.

“Not one of the cast have got in touch with me which just shows how self centred they are.” Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.

>I think its awful to see such nasty character assassinations about him.

I think it’s awful to see a supposed professional post a myspace bulletin slamming his former co-stars for not being funny on breakfast TV.

Norm’s been unfair about GNP for a while now, Curtis; his comments about GNP finding film funding are particularly objectionable and self-serving.

I don’t hate Norm, I just think he’s a bitter old twat.

He’s been slowly burning his bridges for years now. You can hear it on the DVDs, in interviews, in his comments about the film and GNP apparently lying to people etc etc etc. As si says, it’s not that we hate him, it’s more like being a parent disapointed with a small child for throwing a moody.

Ah well, Im not intending to fall out with anyone, especially on today of all days, and you do make some good points. I say we lay down our weapons and have a fantastic weekend.*

*First person to call him a bald cunt after the specials air though gets a slap ;)

norman will be watching tonight im sure, lets wait for his review tomorow or monday :)

He’s probably already written it Dax101.

>Ah well, Im not intending to fall out with anyone, especially on today of all days, and you do make some good points. I say we lay down our weapons and have a fantastic weekend.*

Indeed, no point letting one miserable git with a chip on his shoulder spoil the party.

A microchip, him being a computer and all.

Ohmysides! Nurse!

>norman will be watching tonight im sure

I believe he’s actually written that he will be watching, green ink poised.

Tweet from Bobby in reply to someone asking if Norm had a twitter account:

Don’t know if Norman has an account. Don’t know if he’ll speak to me ever again, hope so, he’s brilliant https://twitter.com/bobbyllew/status/1497704463

The man is far too generous for his own good, if you ask me.

Here we go:

norm said to me on Myspace that he’s disappointed. “where were the jokes?” and “no one was on top form” were some of his comments

(sarcasm mode)

wow see if we had norman back he would be on top of all forms everywhere :P

just look how top form he was in series 8 after 10 years since he left in 1988 :P

Putting up with Norm: YR DOIN IT RIGHT:

“@MimFox Don’t know if Norman has an account. Don’t know if he’ll speak to me ever again, hope so, he’s brilliant”

:P

This is best from Robert:

https://twitter.com/bobbyllew/status/1497644441

> just look how top form he was in series 8 after 10 years since he left in 1988 :P

Ah, yes. Norm in Series 8. All the comic talent of a man with head injuries reading a tired joke off a distant beer mat.

I’d love to kiss Robert in his face.

When was Norm’s bulletin posted on MySpace? - I’ve just looked and not been able to find it.

Maybe it’s all part of the BtE storyline, and now it’s been taken down, so that when it turns out that he’s not a miserable twat after all, we’ll all be particularly guilty.

If you’re right then all the whinging he’s done since 1988 is all an act.

With Hatty confirmed for DJ XV, would we see Holly ever return in his female guise?

>With Hatty confirmed for DJ XV, would we see Holly ever return in his female guise?

I can confirm that we at the Fan Club have no insider knowledge when it comes to GNP’s casting decisions and so this has no bearing on the guest bookings. Hattie was invited as she is a lovely lady who always tries to stick around for as much of the weekend as possible.

something someone post on imdb about normals final verdict of BTE

http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t150/Caboose_1991/Norman.jpg

So will Norman still be getting invited to DJs in the future?

I don’t think he should be invited for budgetry reasons.

They should tell him his hotel room is waterlogged.

“I’m glad I wasn’t involved”.

Yeeeeeah, you sound like it. Good luck selling all your stuff without using the words “Red Dwarf” on it. Oh wait, you still will.

You see now we know why Norman was so adamant about his face appearing on screen.

I don’t know what Norm’s problem is. He was in Back To Earth!

He will put it on his CV.

> I don’t know what Norm’s problem is. He was in Back To Earth!

Don’t let him know about that, he’ll add it to the Movie payments he’s apparently owed!

Maybe it’s wrong of me to say this, but I would definitely buy his memoirs at this point.

Yes, but you’re a cunt Phil.

You’re a jerk, Phillip Reed. A total kneebiter.

I can’t wait for this book to come out, y’know. I imagine a passive-aggressive rage seething from the spine of the book like a black oil. Books placed beside it on the shelf will rot and corrode, the pages becoming charred and damaged, the characters in the book becoming miserly and embittered about elements of the plot that they have no control over.

That could be a Stephen King novel. The Book of Bitterness.

Or at the very least, a plot from an episode of Charmed…

How long does it take to write this shit?

Hey now. Norm can write his spiteful, petulant book-length tantrum quickly, or he can do it well; but he can’t do both. Have you no appreciation of craft?

“How long does it take to write this shit?” - Philip J. Reed, Three-time NaNoWriMo Winner

I am amusing myself this evening by re-reading old threads such as this one :o)

So, has he published that book yet?

Yes, he’s currently travelling round the country and pushing it, unsolicited, through peoples’ letterboxes.

Are we still talking about the book?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Talking-Head-Autobiography-Norman-Lovett/dp/1908...

:-O

But, as Norman points out in this fascinating inside look at the world of comedy, not everyone in the industry is as pleasant as their image would suggest. He is ready to spill the beans about those comedians and actors who he has found to be arrogant and rude.

Needless to say, Norm had the last laugh.

Red Dwarf is only mentioned three times, I’m disappointed.

Not counting the unsubtle reference in the title itself.

I’m genuinely looking forward to reading this.

Additional: More info and cover here…
http://www.apexpublishing.co.uk/pubdetails.aspx?Num=266

As well as a few unique links from their main listings page:
http://www.apexpublishing.co.uk/publicationlist.aspx?list=all

…including one to a book extract, which leads to a placeholder pdf right now but could be replaced by something much more interesting soon.

Could he look more miserable on the cover!

Maybe he should titled it ‘Bitter and Bald - The Norman Lovett Chronicles…Plus, Red Dwarf’

“But, as Norman points out in this fascinating inside look at the world of comedy, not everyone in the industry is as pleasant as their image would suggest. He is ready to spill the beans about those comedians and actors who he has found to be arrogant and rude.”

People in glass houses…

I hope G+T get the serialization rights.

Wonder if he’ll be spilling the beans about those actors he has found to be legit?

He is ready to spill the beans about those comedians and actors who he has found to be arrogant and rude.

Needles to say…Craig took drugs.

WHAT?! Comedians aren’t pleasant and friendly in real life?

STOP THE PRESSES. THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION.

Maybe England has a different breed of comedian (??), but here in the U.S., I’ve really yet to see one that *isn’t* somewhat of a jerk and rude. (Come to think of it, I don’t know too many human beings who can’t be rude.) It’s just a matter of degree.

From Amazon’s “About the Author”:

Norman Lovett was born in Windsor just after the end of World War II but moved to Essex as a small child. He was bullied at school[…]

Yes, I fucking bet he was.

Publication Date: 22 September 2012

Not that he’s hoping to take advantage of the new series in any way…

Norm’s lack of self awareness is astounding.

The man who took to Myspace to publicly berate his former co-stars because he didn’t find their Breakfast TV appearance funny enough - a man who replies to Tweets of videos that were neither about him or sent directly to him with the comment that he’d ‘rather drink a load of ink’ than watch them - is going to tell you which comedians he finds ‘arrogant and rude’…?

Also - G&T Interview, 2003, on the possibility of an autobiography:

“I think if I was offered the chance I would love to”

MySpace, 2009:

“I have been asked to write an autobiography on many occasions”

So Norm v Iain Lee. Which side are you on?

Whoever wins… We lose.

Extract from Talking head…

“…and number 2479 concludes my list of comedians and people in the media that I dont like. Conversely I do find the broadcaster Iain Lee a wonderful man, I particularly like his efforts of seeking out people online who indirectly reference him as a cunt, and then putting them right about how wrong their opinions are, particularly when he does that to Red Dwarf fans.”

> who indirectly reference him as a cunt

Indirectly? Didn’t we have a forum post called “Iain Lee is a Cunt”?

I’m not saying he isn’t one, but how much more direct can you be?

>Whoever wins… We lose.

Whoever wins…they’re losers.

> Indirectly? Didn’t we have a forum post called “Iain Lee is a Cunt”?

Yeah, pretty much.

I’m really looking forward to this book, actually. I do wonder how vitriolic he’s going to be. Despite the recent and public disagreements with GNP, his DVD interviews weren’t that bad and I get the impression he still likes and respects his former co-stars.

Yeah, I’ll probably buy it. I expect it’ll be in the same vein as I, Partridge but slightly more delusional and fictitious.

Being the RD completist that I am, I imagine I’ll get it. I just really don’t want to have to pay for it. :/

I won’t. I’ll just wait to see whats actually in it on this thread. But that’s because I’m a cheap bastard!

Can we expect a G+T review?

>Can we expect a G+T review?

I’m sure Norm will review G&T in one of the later chapters.

> Can we expect a G+T review?

For sure.

I’m still waiting for…

NORMAN LOVETT - THE ULTIMATE DISASTER MOVIE!

STARRING BRUCE WILLIS AS NORM, A MAN BROUGHT TO THE EDGE OF INSANITY BY HIS DETERMINATION TO GET HIS BALL BACK! ALSO STARRING ANGELINA JOLIE AS DONA DISTEFANO, THE POCKET DYNAMITE SECRET AGENT WITH A HEART OF GOLD POSING AS AN ASSISTANT FLOOR MANAGER!

COMING TO THEATERS 2012!

Hell i’d go see it!

He’s fairly complimentary with his view of Dwarf on his newly revamped website http://www.normanlovett.co.uk/reddwarf.htm

Even series VIII….

The bulk of that was written long before BTE.

>NORMAN LOVETT - THE ULTIMATE DISASTER MOVIE!

This summer…he will get his ball back. Or die trying.